July 2022

Off Topic

Grass - A Pain in the Ass

It’s started already. Commercial after commercial spent on grass seeds and how one brand is better than the other. Oh how your neighbours will envy your lawn if you use this or that particular product. We see ads for rider mowers, push mowers, power mowers, electric mowers, robotic mowers and manual mowers. Did I leave anything out? Oh, let’s not forget fertilizers, aerators, thatchers, eco-friendly weed killers and let’s not forget all that gasoline to power the mowers.

And then there is your water bill. After all, you must make sure that grass is never thirsty. Perhaps you’ve gone to the expense of installing an automatic sprinkler system.

How about the whole sod industry and the lawn maintenance services industry? Remember “Weed & Feed”? They used to come around door to door selling their service. I could go on but you get the idea.

In the back of my mind I hear, “ka-chin, ka-chin.” Exactly how large is this industry? After doing some research on the numbers, it turned out in Canada alone; we spend 3 Billion a year on lawns. That means in the US they spend around 30 Billion. Those are staggering numbers. All that money just for the dream of a golf-course looking lawn. It’s an outrage!

And then there is clover. White clover to be exact. It never needs fertilizing, never needs cutting, survives on rainwater generously provided by Mother Nature, stands up to drought, chokes out weeds and has a beautiful rich green color. When in bloom, it attracts honey bees. What’s not to love? Yet some people view it as a weed.

Some people are idiots.

Don’t you have enough to do with weeding your vegetable patch and your perfect flower beds?

Come on folks, wise up. Don’t let the grass mafia run your life.

Picture this; it’s a beautiful Saturday afternoon. You’re sitting in your favourite lawn chair – a cold one in your hand, a Tilley on your head.  Across the street is your neighbour grunting, red in the face and drenched in sweat while manoeuvring his mower around shrubs and trees.

Your other neighbour is on his rider, churning up more dust than grass because as has been my experience, people who use riders are generally not too concerned about a perfect lawn – they just keep cutting the weeds low and figure nobody can tell the difference from a distance anyway, or so they think.

Meanwhile, back to you.

As you take a sip, you look around at your own lawn and can’t help but admire your perfect rich green carpet of clover and you didn’t have to break a sweat, your back or the bank to get it.

Yes, life is good.



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